The Baltimore Archers confirm that they have acquired the legendary Mike ‘Kiiiid’ Trout from the Indianapolis Cog-Lovers in exchange for 13 players. While losing uber-prospect Rocker, all-around talent Davis, wunderkind Heredia, two Dannys, and two Mikes are a blow to the organization’s future talent pool, this deal is for the fans who fill The Castle to capacity every night in the hopes that a baseball championship will return to Baltimore.
Trout is currently on the IL but is expected to be at full strength for the upcoming series with division leaders and rival New Orleans Digital-Donkey-Horses.
In other league news, the Carp Streamers updated the status of a several key acquisitions over the weekend. Tom Murphy, one of the league’s top defensive catchers, has been waived and DFA’ed. He is available to all clubs. If he passes waivers he will report to the Streamers’ AAA Wisconsin outfit where hopefully inexperienced hitting coach Tony Alvarado, who seems to have a slight preference for helping hitters make solid contact, will teach him something about making any contact at all.
After a medical review of Trevor Bauer’s shoulder, the team trainer Richard L. Bancells announced, “this guy is a tiresome dweeb.” The Streamers have placed him on the 15 day DL.
First round draftee Eli Lopez has happily accepted almost no bonus at all and reported to Rookie League Providence. 11th round pick Antonio Martinez has broken off negotiations for lack of ransom money. Second round pick Steve Sweeney thinks club management will come around if he holds firm on his demands. Management thinks they have enough headcase pitchers, already, thank you very much Steve.
Anyone interested in Murphy, please check the waiver wire.
Formerly “Untouchable” prospects Brice Turang and Chris McMahon learned this afternoon from their agents that Milwaukee GM mmaude had somehow changed their status to “Available”. Near seconds after learning this news, a trade was announced between Milwaukee and Tucson:
Milwaukee Sends:
Brice Turang
Chris McMahon
for
Tucson Sends:
Kyle Schwarber
$5,250,000
How could two prospects be traded so quickly after having months of reassurance that they were ‘Untouchable’? We may never know the answer… Tucson to confirm.
The Brooklyn Sycamores, having lost one of their main RP arms have brought reinforcements in the form of Francis Martes via Tucson. The Sycamores will send prospects Enrique Bradfield CF, and Juan Then SP. Tucson will also send 300k in cash considerations. Because Brooklyn is broke as a joke, y’all…That’s how we do.
The Brooklyn Sycamores are pleased to announce the arrival of RP Will Harris and Trevor Richards, from the great city of Rochester. The Sycamores, running on fumes, send prospects RP Willy Collado and LF Alexander Canario. Rochester will retain 85% of Will Harris’ salary and 100% of Trevor Richard’s pay.
Local Pix 11 News considers the outrage about Brooklyn been broke somehow strange. News Anchor Paul Sotomayor quipped “anyone who thought the Sycamores had money is out of their fucking mind”.
AP - The New Orleans Simules have placed a full-page classified ad in the Oklahoma City Star Tribune seeking a hit-person to “Nancy Kerrigan” star starting pitcher Justin Verlander.
The ad specifies the attacker must have their own lead pipe, ski-mask, and getaway vehicle.
“We don’t want to be left holding the bag for a vesting option. $5 million is a lot of money in N’Orleans right now, after multiple spending sprees.” MikeLikesBaseball, general manager of the Simulated Mules said.
Verlander must start six more games in order for his 2022 option to vest, at a cost of $4.8m to the Simules, $2.9m for the Cleveland ‘maybe we will, maybe we wont’ Spiders, and a mere $11.4m for the Glorified Racoons.
“It doesn’t have to be tonight, but it has to be soon. We will not stop until Verlander is out. For good.”
The Simules are twenty-games above even at 56 and 36, good for second place behind the Nashville Nightcaps.